when i was a kid we always had this book lying around the house. it was a big book of quotes. famous quotes throughout history, like 'nothing is certain but death and taxes,' and all that. it was always entertaining for about 28 seconds if i got bored.
well i was thinking, how do quotes like that get started? i can understand the ones by authors or whatever, theyre probably just things they had written at some point. but what about someone like thomas edison, he has a bunch of stupid quotes attached to his name. did he just call people to his house one day and say something brilliant and then tell people 'hey that was a quote, write it down and tell everyone else i said it.'
did you have to already be famous to get a quote? i don't see any quotes from regular joes you've never heard of. and who makes the list of official quotes, the kind good enough to get into quote books. if i had a really good quote, how could i get it into a book? i feel like there arent any new quotes coming out lately. the most recent ones are from like 50 years ago.
i think this just goes to prove that people who lived hundreds of years ago were really, really bored.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Thursday, August 09, 2007
car accident
so i was hanging out with a few people the other day. and my one friend's younger brother happened to be there. we were all talking and all, and kinda making fun of the kid's brother. just harmless stuff.
but then the older brother says, 'hey don't make fun of him, he almost died in a car accident last year.' so i was surprised a little, but i got to thinking. just because this kid was in a bad car accident he gets immunity from all jokes made about him? what kind of deal is that? sure he probably went through some hard times, but that doesn't buy a lifetime of joke protection.
but then the older brother says, 'hey don't make fun of him, he almost died in a car accident last year.' so i was surprised a little, but i got to thinking. just because this kid was in a bad car accident he gets immunity from all jokes made about him? what kind of deal is that? sure he probably went through some hard times, but that doesn't buy a lifetime of joke protection.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
fat girls
a quick thought today. you know how when girls try clothes on and they ask "does this make me look fat?" well i was thinking, do fat girls ask this when they try clothes on? i mean, i know they try to act like they're not fat, but they know they are.
i think it'd be very funny if some fat girl asked that to one of her friends or her boyfriend.
p.s. maybe they should say, "does this make me look fatter?"
i think it'd be very funny if some fat girl asked that to one of her friends or her boyfriend.
p.s. maybe they should say, "does this make me look fatter?"
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
milk
so you know how they put dates on the gallons of milk you buy at the store? well it always says "sell by april 8th," or whatever. well that's all well and good for the people at the store so they know how long to leave it out there, but it doesn't really help you when you're back at home and that gallon is in your fridge.
say you buy one that says 'sell by april 7th.' and you buy it on april 3rd. well if you still have it on april 8th, should you still drink it? or does it go bad on april 7th? probably not, because why would the store still sell it on april 6th if it was just gonna go bad one day later? so in actuality you don't know when it's gonna go bad at all, even though the milk people do. so what they should put on the gallon is "drink by," not "sell by."
say you buy one that says 'sell by april 7th.' and you buy it on april 3rd. well if you still have it on april 8th, should you still drink it? or does it go bad on april 7th? probably not, because why would the store still sell it on april 6th if it was just gonna go bad one day later? so in actuality you don't know when it's gonna go bad at all, even though the milk people do. so what they should put on the gallon is "drink by," not "sell by."
Thursday, February 22, 2007
a funny story
i'm bored at work right now so i figured i'd write a blog. this one's just a story though, no deep insight today, sorry. my last post about what a great driver i am elicited a few responses saying i should tell people that i did, in fact, drive into my own house. sadly, yes, this did happen.
i actually like telling this story. i was kinda embarrassed by it at first, but then freshman year at college in writing 105 on the first day we were introducing ourselves to the class and all. and this one kid, clark tomlinson, huge weirdo, says we should all have to tell a story about our most embarrassing moment. of course we all look at him like shut the hell up, but the stories actually turned out to be funny. well, mine was, at least, i don't remember anyone else's.
anyway, i had only had my permit for like 6 weeks when i was driving home from a driver's ed class with my mom one night. i pull into the driveway, all is well. i pull into the garage, everything's cool. as i pull in, i take my foot off the brake for a second and get ready to come to a stop. but instead of coming back down on the brake, i go full throttle on the gas, WHAM! right into the garage wall. i smashed a bookcase which was in front of the wall, but i didn't think it was that bad.
as i slowly back out, the wall starts to crumble piece by piece from where i hit it. it creeps up the wall until the whole thing starts to collapse. before we know it the roof above us is cracking up. apparently that was a load bearing wall. stuff starts to fall on the car so i back out of the garage real quick and we sit and watch as the whole roof crashes onto the garage floor, followed by all the furniture from my room, which was right above the garage. we get out of the car, but of course there was nothing we could do. things just kept falling until finally the whole house had fallen in on itself. we had to stay in a shelter for the next 3 months until we bought a new house.
okay that last paragraph was entirely false. there was a huge whole in the wall though, into the laundry room, which we had to walk through for the next 2 months because the door frame had been bent out of shape and the door wouldn't open. man i felt like a moron. i knocked off the washer and dryer from their connections. but what we did actually was we ended up knocking the whole wall down and expanding the laundry room by a few feet. so this story had a good ending after all.
i actually like telling this story. i was kinda embarrassed by it at first, but then freshman year at college in writing 105 on the first day we were introducing ourselves to the class and all. and this one kid, clark tomlinson, huge weirdo, says we should all have to tell a story about our most embarrassing moment. of course we all look at him like shut the hell up, but the stories actually turned out to be funny. well, mine was, at least, i don't remember anyone else's.
anyway, i had only had my permit for like 6 weeks when i was driving home from a driver's ed class with my mom one night. i pull into the driveway, all is well. i pull into the garage, everything's cool. as i pull in, i take my foot off the brake for a second and get ready to come to a stop. but instead of coming back down on the brake, i go full throttle on the gas, WHAM! right into the garage wall. i smashed a bookcase which was in front of the wall, but i didn't think it was that bad.
as i slowly back out, the wall starts to crumble piece by piece from where i hit it. it creeps up the wall until the whole thing starts to collapse. before we know it the roof above us is cracking up. apparently that was a load bearing wall. stuff starts to fall on the car so i back out of the garage real quick and we sit and watch as the whole roof crashes onto the garage floor, followed by all the furniture from my room, which was right above the garage. we get out of the car, but of course there was nothing we could do. things just kept falling until finally the whole house had fallen in on itself. we had to stay in a shelter for the next 3 months until we bought a new house.
okay that last paragraph was entirely false. there was a huge whole in the wall though, into the laundry room, which we had to walk through for the next 2 months because the door frame had been bent out of shape and the door wouldn't open. man i felt like a moron. i knocked off the washer and dryer from their connections. but what we did actually was we ended up knocking the whole wall down and expanding the laundry room by a few feet. so this story had a good ending after all.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
driving
as you may or may not know, i'm pretty much the greatest driver alive right now. so on my daily commute, i'm usually free to do other things with my time than focus on driving. texting is basically the most dangerous thing you can do in a car, i think. it's about 5 times more dangerous than actually talking on the phone while driving. instead of cracking down on that i think cops should find a way to police texting-and-driving. i guarantee a lot of accidents out there are being caused by this. i hear the cell phone law is coming to PA actually, but not for a while. meanwhile, any day now it will become law in PA to have your lights on if your wipers are on. good thing they focus on the important things.
on a side note, i really hate when people keep their lights on during the day. i drive to work between 3 and 4pm, i can't tell you how many people have their lights on. it's broad daylight! i just don't get it. if you're so blind that you can't see other cars on the road in the daytime unless they have their lights on, then you shouldn't be allowed to drive, let alone leave your house. sometimes though, i feel pressure to turn my lights on when it does start to get kinda dark out. i'll start looking for other cars without their lights on. and when i find one, it justifies my decision to hold out. "see? he doesn't have his on either. i'm not the only one!" also, i bet all these losers with their lights on are much more likely to leave them on by accident when they park and get out, because it's already daylight out, so you can't really see your lights shining against whatever's in front of you. good riddance, i say.
one other time i ate a whole angus burger and fries from burger king while doing 60 without getting any food on myself. if you don't think this is impressive, get an angus burger, you'll see. i probably even texted someone to tell them i was doing it.
anyway, onto my original point. my driving awesomeness allowed me to think up this idea:
i hate when you are waiting behind a few cars, and you're all waiting to turn onto a bigger road. each person goes one by one when they have enough time. but the thing is, nobody knows if they have enough time to pull out until they get to the front of the line. so, what i've been trying to do lately is, if i'm first in line and i have plenty of time to go, and there is also enough time for the person behind me to go, i give them a hand signal out the window as i turn, much like a thank you wave. this signals to them that there is enough time for them to turn as well, instead of them driving to the edge, stopping, looking both ways, then going. think of the time we could save! i have actually been doing this off and on for a few years now, i have yet to see it catch on anywhere, but it'll take time, for sure.
it probably seems far-fetched, but all great ideas do when they are first introduced. this one would work. i just think it would be awesome to be driving around with my grandson in 60 years while texting and eating a burger with my lights off at midnight, and he asks me why do people wave like that, and i say, "yeah that was me, i started that." so basically, once this becomes the norm, don't claim to have invented it. it's mine.
on a side note, i really hate when people keep their lights on during the day. i drive to work between 3 and 4pm, i can't tell you how many people have their lights on. it's broad daylight! i just don't get it. if you're so blind that you can't see other cars on the road in the daytime unless they have their lights on, then you shouldn't be allowed to drive, let alone leave your house. sometimes though, i feel pressure to turn my lights on when it does start to get kinda dark out. i'll start looking for other cars without their lights on. and when i find one, it justifies my decision to hold out. "see? he doesn't have his on either. i'm not the only one!" also, i bet all these losers with their lights on are much more likely to leave them on by accident when they park and get out, because it's already daylight out, so you can't really see your lights shining against whatever's in front of you. good riddance, i say.
one other time i ate a whole angus burger and fries from burger king while doing 60 without getting any food on myself. if you don't think this is impressive, get an angus burger, you'll see. i probably even texted someone to tell them i was doing it.
anyway, onto my original point. my driving awesomeness allowed me to think up this idea:
i hate when you are waiting behind a few cars, and you're all waiting to turn onto a bigger road. each person goes one by one when they have enough time. but the thing is, nobody knows if they have enough time to pull out until they get to the front of the line. so, what i've been trying to do lately is, if i'm first in line and i have plenty of time to go, and there is also enough time for the person behind me to go, i give them a hand signal out the window as i turn, much like a thank you wave. this signals to them that there is enough time for them to turn as well, instead of them driving to the edge, stopping, looking both ways, then going. think of the time we could save! i have actually been doing this off and on for a few years now, i have yet to see it catch on anywhere, but it'll take time, for sure.
it probably seems far-fetched, but all great ideas do when they are first introduced. this one would work. i just think it would be awesome to be driving around with my grandson in 60 years while texting and eating a burger with my lights off at midnight, and he asks me why do people wave like that, and i say, "yeah that was me, i started that." so basically, once this becomes the norm, don't claim to have invented it. it's mine.
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