here's a fun game to play while driving on the highway to avoid a boredom-related accident.
put your car on cruise control and see how far you can drive without touching the brakes or gas. the faster you go the harder it is, obviously. i played yesterday at 74mph and went for 45 miles, on just a 2-lane highway, too. i think that's pretty impressive, but i'm sure the record is much higher than that.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
delray beach
so i was at work today (i just like saying that), and this woman came in to the room where i work at. she noticed i was wearing a shirt that said delray beach, florida on it. so she says to me, "oh, do you live in delray beach?" think about it for a second. what a stupid question.
yeah, i live in florida and i work in new jersey. i make the commute every day. it's costly, but it leaves me just enough money to buy this sweet delray beach t-shirt so people can ask me dumb questions like that.
right after she said it though i think she realized it and said, "or do your parents live there?" good cover. still, i found this funny.
yeah, i live in florida and i work in new jersey. i make the commute every day. it's costly, but it leaves me just enough money to buy this sweet delray beach t-shirt so people can ask me dumb questions like that.
right after she said it though i think she realized it and said, "or do your parents live there?" good cover. still, i found this funny.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
motorcycles and ezpass
i was playing grand theft auto the other day, and a thought came to me. do motorcycles have radios? seems like it would be really hard to hear anything while driving even remotely fast. and it would be very distracting to change the dials and all.
expanding this thought, motorcycles probably don't have a lot of stuff you'd find in a normal car. CD players, tape decks, heat, AC, glove compartments... how inconvenient.
i wonder if you can get ezpass for a motorcycle. where would you put it? i just got ezpass a few weeks ago, i love it, i wish i had gotten it the day they invented it. one funny thing about it is when you go through a lane that can be either ezpass or cash. the toll booth person obviously doesn't know whether you are gonna pay with cash or ezpass until you roll up beside them. so when i stop for the ezpass to register, there's always an awkward second or two where they lean toward me for the money, but i just stare straight ahead waiting for the bar thing to go up and let me through. when it does i just wave to the person and go.
those toll booth people must hate the ezpass/cash lanes, because they never know if they're getting cash or an ezpass person. it probably already sucks enough to have to work there. you can't even bring a book to read because you'd never get any free time to read it, you're constantly being bugged by cars coming through. never a moment's peace.
one great thing is the random hot girl that works at the toll booth. it's like finding a quarter on the ground; it lifts your spirits, but in reality it means absolutely nothing. you start thinking how could a girl this hot get stuck working here. i almost wanna ask them to get in the car with me.
expanding this thought, motorcycles probably don't have a lot of stuff you'd find in a normal car. CD players, tape decks, heat, AC, glove compartments... how inconvenient.
i wonder if you can get ezpass for a motorcycle. where would you put it? i just got ezpass a few weeks ago, i love it, i wish i had gotten it the day they invented it. one funny thing about it is when you go through a lane that can be either ezpass or cash. the toll booth person obviously doesn't know whether you are gonna pay with cash or ezpass until you roll up beside them. so when i stop for the ezpass to register, there's always an awkward second or two where they lean toward me for the money, but i just stare straight ahead waiting for the bar thing to go up and let me through. when it does i just wave to the person and go.
those toll booth people must hate the ezpass/cash lanes, because they never know if they're getting cash or an ezpass person. it probably already sucks enough to have to work there. you can't even bring a book to read because you'd never get any free time to read it, you're constantly being bugged by cars coming through. never a moment's peace.
one great thing is the random hot girl that works at the toll booth. it's like finding a quarter on the ground; it lifts your spirits, but in reality it means absolutely nothing. you start thinking how could a girl this hot get stuck working here. i almost wanna ask them to get in the car with me.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
hitting a light
when you're driving around, what exactly is 'hitting a light'? see i used to think it meant a green light that you could drive right through. because a hit is a positive thing, as in hit or miss, hit being good and miss being bad. but lately i dunno if this translates to traffic lights. people seem to use hit more when talking about running into a red light, as in like, "i can make it in 20 minutes if i don't hit any lights." i'm still torn on this issue.
in matters that actually mean something, i now have a niece. josephine anne koven. sounds like someone from the 17th century, but i'm sure i'll get used to it. i can either go with joe, joey, or josie. think i'll go with joey. i wanted a girl because now i have a nephew and a niece. i'm also excited about having an infant in the family again because now i can bring back all those great baby-killing jokes that i ran into the ground two years ago after my sister had her first born. i know that sounds terrible, but come on, those jokes are hilarious. everyone knows that.
in matters that actually mean something, i now have a niece. josephine anne koven. sounds like someone from the 17th century, but i'm sure i'll get used to it. i can either go with joe, joey, or josie. think i'll go with joey. i wanted a girl because now i have a nephew and a niece. i'm also excited about having an infant in the family again because now i can bring back all those great baby-killing jokes that i ran into the ground two years ago after my sister had her first born. i know that sounds terrible, but come on, those jokes are hilarious. everyone knows that.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
cop cars
a quick late night thought. i was driving behind a cop car for a few minutes tonight and i wondered...
it must be really annoying for cops when they drive on the highway or any big road, because they're always gonna be stuck behind a guy who is doing the speed limit because there's a cop behind him. since everyone around them is going slower than they want to go, they constantly have to weave through all the cars. that's stressful driving. no wonder cops are such assholes when they finally pull someone over.
it must be really annoying for cops when they drive on the highway or any big road, because they're always gonna be stuck behind a guy who is doing the speed limit because there's a cop behind him. since everyone around them is going slower than they want to go, they constantly have to weave through all the cars. that's stressful driving. no wonder cops are such assholes when they finally pull someone over.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
helen keller
i was just watching an episode of south park where they put on a play about helen keller. it was pretty weird, but it got me thinking about ms. keller (i'm assuming she's a ms., i mean who would ever marry her?)
anyway, her whole deal was that she was blind and deaf from birth, but somehow she managed to learn how to write and communicate and live and drive a car. ... alright i made up the part about the car, but the rest is true (subtle reference right there).
i'm sorry, i just don't buy it. imagine being blind and deaf your whole life. how would you even know who the fuck who were, or what you were, or what a human is, or what anything is? you'd be completely clueless forever. it's not like someone can tell you, hey you're blind that's why you can't see any of us, because you're deaf. and people couldn't motion to you that you're deaf because you're fucking blind.
i was gonna say i'd wanna kill myself, but the thing is, even if she did want that, did she know what death was? she's just a blob sitting there. i'm sure she felt pain and all, but no way she could've figured out the concept that lots of pain leads to death. how sad.
and another thought just crossed my mind. was she the only person ever who was blind and deaf? there have to have been others. imagine how much life sucked for these guys. not only are they blind and deaf, but their whole lives they're being compared to helen keller, who was clearly more kickass than any of them ever will be. she was the most successful one of their kind. and it's not like they can even use her story as an inspiration, cause how are they gonna even know who she was and what she accomplished?
alright well this blog is sending me straight to hell, if it wasn't already decided.
EDIT: i just discovered that she was actually perfectly healthy until she was 19 months old, making this entire blog pointless. probably shoulda researched before writing this. oh well. and now that i think about it, i lost some respect for her. she was fine for a year and a half. helen keller = overrated.
anyway, her whole deal was that she was blind and deaf from birth, but somehow she managed to learn how to write and communicate and live and drive a car. ... alright i made up the part about the car, but the rest is true (subtle reference right there).
i'm sorry, i just don't buy it. imagine being blind and deaf your whole life. how would you even know who the fuck who were, or what you were, or what a human is, or what anything is? you'd be completely clueless forever. it's not like someone can tell you, hey you're blind that's why you can't see any of us, because you're deaf. and people couldn't motion to you that you're deaf because you're fucking blind.
i was gonna say i'd wanna kill myself, but the thing is, even if she did want that, did she know what death was? she's just a blob sitting there. i'm sure she felt pain and all, but no way she could've figured out the concept that lots of pain leads to death. how sad.
and another thought just crossed my mind. was she the only person ever who was blind and deaf? there have to have been others. imagine how much life sucked for these guys. not only are they blind and deaf, but their whole lives they're being compared to helen keller, who was clearly more kickass than any of them ever will be. she was the most successful one of their kind. and it's not like they can even use her story as an inspiration, cause how are they gonna even know who she was and what she accomplished?
alright well this blog is sending me straight to hell, if it wasn't already decided.
EDIT: i just discovered that she was actually perfectly healthy until she was 19 months old, making this entire blog pointless. probably shoulda researched before writing this. oh well. and now that i think about it, i lost some respect for her. she was fine for a year and a half. helen keller = overrated.
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