religion

it's kinda funny that i'm doing a blog about religion, since i may be the dumbest person on earth when it comes to the subject. one time i put a eucharist in my jacket pocket at a funeral because i didn't know i was supposed to eat it. then an hour later at the cemetery when someone asked me what i did with it i pulled it out of my pocket. then i proceeded to eat it as dicreetly as possible. i guess that was my jewish side at its finest. one of my funniest and dumbest moments all at once.

anyway, recently i've been thinking about what religion i am. it seems like i should know by now, right? technically, i'm half jewish and half christian, but that doesn't really mean anything. a good friend of mine, let's call her natalie r., always used to preach to me that it's impossible to be half anything when it comes to religion. i tend to agree. so that's out. conventional religion has eluded me.

then there are things like atheism - believing there is no god - and agnosticism - not knowing if there is a god or not. that last one always seems like a copout to me. i mean, no shit we don't know if there's a god, i could've told you that. knowing me though i probably screwed up that definition, even though i did just google it.

but i don't fall into either of those categories either. i say there is a god, but that's all. just, a god. why does he have to be attached to an established religion? can't i just believe in him? what's that called? theism? monotheism? scientology? my cousin, who is actually jewish, now describes himself as "indifferent" to the whole scene. but i don't think that's me. i think about god a lot and why stuff happens the way it does. who knows.

basically, i don't know what i am and i don't know what i'm not. i think i'm just ignorant.