4 hours

so we've all seen those commercials for viagra or cialis or whatever it is, and the part comes where they say if erection lasts 4 hours call your doctor. of course this line provides for approximately 475,273,409 jokes to be made about it, but i figured i'd chime in with my thoughts on such a situation.

to me the worst part would be about an hour in when your realize the problem, and you remember the 4 hours thing, and you know you have to wait another 3 hours before you can do anything. it must be funny at around the 3:45 mark. "okay i'm gonna give it 15 more minutes! if it's not better by then i'm driving to the hospital, i swear!"

but what if you can't wait that long and you go after a few hours. they'll probably ask you how long it's been and then you'd have to sit there in the waiting room - very awkwardly - until 4 hours hits.

those viagra commercials always creep me out anyway. the guy comes home and gives his wife this look, and she smiles and looks away all shy. they make it seem so happy and innocent but i'm just like, "i know why you guys are smiling, you're both gonna get some for the first time in a long while."

haircut

i got a haircut today. i don't really like haircuts that much because i never know where to go. as a kid i never had a barbershop my parents would always take me to. my mom cut my hair for a long time. i've been going to master cuts recently because i got one of those cards that gives me a discount if i get 10 haircuts there. i'm at like two right now and i feel so pathetic asking them to stamp it at the end because it seems so far away, and it's only for 10 dollars off, not even a whole free haircut. doesn't even seem worth the effort to take it out of my wallet 10 times.

if it were worth one free haircut i would be so anxious the whole time during my free one. we would walk to the counter and i would bust out my card, much like seinfeld in that old american express commercial where he tries to top off his gas so it hits exactly 20 dollars. lights would shine and angels would sing. i'd say "excuse me, but i believe this one is on you guys!" and then i'd have to tip the lady anyway.

anyway, onto the origin of this post. today at hair cuttery i had this girl who was cool, and we were talking the whole time. probably the second best haircut convo i've ever had. (number one occurred back in april up at school, hot girl, good laughs, sparks flew, emotions ran high, she actually looked at me man, tractor beam, sucked me right in)

but today this girl was more concerned with talking than actually cutting my hair. and the most awkward thing about haircut convos is the mirror in front of you. she would stop cutting and stand literally directly to my right, and look at the mirror to talk to me. so instead of looking at each other, we were communicating through the mirror. and it's extra weird because you have to look at yourself at the same time. it's like watching yourself on TV and seeing how uncool you really are when you talk to girls.

and then walking out after the haircut is always odd. i always wonder if people are staring at my hair. and i wanna just violently rub my head to get all the loose hairs out, but i wait until i'm far enough away so the girl won't see me. is that insulting to them? seems like it could be. i'm just too damn nice.

maps

it must have been exciting for map makers when we finally got into outer space and got high enough to see what the outlines of the continents looked like. because until then, they didn't really know if their maps were correct. no one had ever seen the earth from above, like a map depicts.

so when pictures of the earth first started coming back from the first satellite or whatever, all the map makers were probably very nervous. what if they were totally wrong? "oh that's what america looks like! we were way off!" and then they woulda had to change all their maps. i'm assuming they were right, though. and that was probably a pretty good feeling.

new orleans

so i got my eagles-saints tickets in the mail today. the game is at new orleans on october 15th. the tickets were soaking wet when i took them out of the envelope. i guesss they're not fully over katrina yet. ZING!

in reality the tickets were wet because the package was sitting outside my front door all evening in the rain. however that rain was from the remnants of hurricane ernesto. that's kinda ironic.

if there are any eagles fans out there who wanna road trip with me to new orleans for the game, let me know. i have 4 tix.